When the person you love is struggling, it can be hard to know how to help. Many women find themselves wondering how to start the conversation about getting your partner to therapy without it sounding like criticism or rejection. The truth is, men often face unique barriers when it comes to seeking help, from stigma around vulnerability to uncertainty about what therapy even looks like. That’s why specialized therapists for men in San Diego are such an important resource—creating safe spaces where men can explore their challenges, learn practical tools, and strengthen their relationships. If you’re hoping to encourage your husband or partner to take this step, this guide will walk you through compassionate ways to talk about therapy and connect him to the men’s mental health support he deserves.
POV: Your husband is struggling, but you’re worried that suggesting therapy won’t go over well
When you have watched your partner struggle with his mental health, seeing escalating anxiety, anger, emotional distance, hopelessness, or stress, it can feel paralyzing. You want to help, and you know that talking with a therapist may be the best solution. Working with therapists for men in San Diego can be a powerful way to give your husband the tools and support he needs.
As a male therapist who has worked with many men who carried a lot of shame, I’ve seen firsthand how specialized care matters. That’s why connecting with therapists for men in San Diego who understand these unique challenges can make such a difference.
Understanding why your husband or partner may hesitate to consider therapy can help you introduce the subject with care, compassion, and support. Your husband needs help, and I’m here to help you help him.
While finding therapists for men in San Diego can seem like an impossible task, Stress Solutions makes it easy to get connected with a male therapist that has availability, now.
Reach out today to get started.
Why does therapy still carry stigma for many men?
Research shows that up to 70% of men avoid any kind of mental healthcare, and nearly twice as many women as men are in therapy in the US. Why are there such stark differences for men in willingness to use therapy as a tool to support mental well-being?
Men are discouraged from expressing themselves and may not know where to start
When you’re told to “man up” from a very young age, knowing how to even begin to understand or express your emotions or your needs can feel almost impossible. Success in therapy hinges on openness and expressing yourself, so your husband may feel like he’s being asked to do something he’s never really learned to do, and he may dismiss therapy outright because it sounds too difficult to even try.
Lack of knowledge of options keeps therapy from feeling relatable
Alongside not being encouraged or even taught how to identify or express feelings, your husband may have an inaccurate idea of what therapy is like. The media often depicts therapy as a place where he will be asked to lie on a couch, talk about feelings, the meanings of his dreams, or his inner child, and to cry.
While all of these can be a part of a successful therapy session, they aren’t always relatable to men. Research shows that men and women tend to find different therapy styles more appealing. Getting your partner to try therapy may be more successful if you find a therapist who takes a goal-oriented approach, where learning skills and using them is a key component of the process, which can feel far more worthwhile to a man. With the right therapist, therapy can be a place to develop skills, meet goals, and realize your potential, which may help your husband feel more comfortable.
Suggesting therapy can feel like criticism
Many people, not just men, feel like they’re being criticized when someone suggests therapy. Mental health is a touchy subject, and people struggling with their mental health can have an even harder time managing their reactions to touchy subjects.
Men are less likely to turn to their friends or family for emotional support, so often their wife is the only person who hears about their mental health issues. Mental health challenges can make it all too easy to hear, “you’re crazy” or “I’m sick of this, have someone else help you,” instead of hearing “Therapy could help you.” So when it’s your wife suggesting therapy, your sole source of support, it can feel like criticism even when it’s meant to communicate love and concern.
Asking for help can feel intimidating or shameful
Men are often expected to be “the strong one”, and this can create a deep fear of acknowledging challenges or admitting he’s struggling. Your husband may feel like asking for help or speaking up about his thoughts and feelings is a sign of weakness, a failure as a man, an indication he’s incapable, or a sign he’s a burden. He may become defensive about therapy if he feels he’s losing his place in your relationship, or in his own life, by considering opening up.
Ironically, without treatment, this intense pressure to “keep it together” can worsen mental health challenges by generating chronic stress, fear, and shame.
How to start the conversation on getting your partner to try therapy
When you and your husband are both pretty calm, in a private one-on-one conversation, try out some of these conversation starters. These gentle approaches can help you introduce the idea of mental health changes and extra support, and they validate your husband at the same time, helping him feel seen and loved while also encouraging him to consider finding help.
- “I love you. I’ve noticed you’ve been struggling lately. I wanted to talk to you about it, and to let you know I want to help if I can.”
- “Have you noticed you’re more stressed lately? What do you think might be causing that? I’m happy to hear you out if you think talking will help.”
- “You know I’m here for you no matter what. It seems to me like you could use more support than just me, though. What do you think about us looking for that for you, together?”
- “I’ve noticed a lot of changes in your mood, and I’m worried about you. Will you share with me what is going on?”
- “Do you feel okay about how life is going for you right now?”
- “I’m worried you aren’t getting the support you need right now, with things being so difficult. What do you feel could help you the most right now?”
- “I’ve been thinking about going to therapy myself. What do you think about that?”
- “I was looking at whether therapy helps men specifically, and learned some things about different approaches that a lot of men find work for them. Can I share them with you?”
- “I can understand being worried about the time therapy might take, or the cost. I think we can make it work, and I want to help you, so you don’t have to figure it all out on your own.”
What not to say and when not to say it
Timing is just as important as what you say when it comes to introducing the topic of pursuing therapy. Don’t bring up the topic right before bed, before everyone leaves for work, or when your husband is stressed, exhausted, overwhelmed, or incredibly busy. Your husband won’t have as much mental bandwidth to thoughtfully consider therapy, and feelings of shame or fear about therapy may be even harder to cope with when life is already stressful.
Don’t bring up therapy during a fight or in public. Your husband may feel you’re trying to punish or embarrass him, or you’re trying to recruit friends or family to gang up on him, creating a rift between you and potentially leaving him even more resistant to therapy.
When you’re talking to your husband, try to talk about yourself, your concerns, and your experience in living with him and his mental health changes. Don’t treat his mental health like a project, and don’t try to “fix” your husband. Instead, offer your experiences and thoughts, and ask for his in return. Try not to speak in absolutes, avoiding words like “never” or “always”, and don’t treat the conversation as a space to issue ultimatums. You do deserve to advocate for yourself in your relationship, but it’s worth having a separate conversation in which to do that.
Finding Therapists for Men in San Diego
When talking to your husband about seeking therapy, it can help to show him that there are therapists out there who specialize in working with men and take men’s mental health seriously. He may also feel more comfortable talking to a male therapist who understands personally the social pressures and challenges men face when it comes to men’s mental health.
At Stress Solutions, Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, regularly works with men who are hesitant to try therapy. His approach to men’s mental health incorporates learning more about emotions and communicating them, using that introspection and increased ability to then take a look at who a client is deep down, what his values are, what kind of life he wants to live, and who he wants to be. We welcome you, your husband, or both of you together to get in touch with us for a free consultation, to see how therapy with a therapist who understands and cares about men’s mental health can make a difference for you, today.
