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Men’s mental health deserves more space in the cultural conversation, but societal expectations and lingering stigma still keep men silent about their mental health. Let’s look at the facts, examining the state of men’s mental health in the US, why things have gotten so bad, and what can be done to help men when it comes to their mental health.
Men’s mental health: the numbers
From the Anxiety and Depression Association of America:
- 1 in 10 eating disorder patients are men
- Around 6 million men a year experience the symptoms of depression
- Around 1 in 50 men struggle with panic or agoraphobia
- Almost twice as many men as women experience schizophrenia
- 4 times as many men as women die by suicide annually
- 1 in 10 men deal with depression or anxiety, but only 1 in 20 will receive treatment annually
Only around 40% of men with mental health disorders access treatment, and that treatment often falls short; around 60% of men who die by suicide have accessed mental healthcare sometime in the year before their death.
Why do men struggle to seek mental health support?
With statistics like those above, it’s clear that there’s a tremendous gap between men’s mental healthcare needs and men’s mental healthcare access. But why is it so hard for men to ask for help?
Modern masculinity leads to damaging stigma for men’s mental health
Men are supposed to fill a lot of roles in society. Strong. Brave. Provider. Leader. Protector.
Notice anything about these roles? They’re all roles where asking for help isn’t the first priority, and they’re all roles that imply individual responsibility.
Masculinity is too narrow in today’s society, leaving little room for having feelings or needs. Men are expected to do it all themselves, figuring out their mental health alone. Often the only emotion men are allowed to express freely is anger, leaving men stuck in environments where violence can be expected or normalized, which is the last thing someone needs when struggling with their mental health. This isolation and expectation of anger and violence is enormously stressful, and is a key factor in the high rates of suicide for men today.
Emotional suppression keeps men silent about their mental health
We live in a society that demands men ignore their emotions (except anger). You’re expected to be strong, even as a little boy. This pressure can be overwhelming. You can feel like you’re failing, a burden, or like you’re losing your sense of self.
You probably weren’t taught how to express your emotions or open up about them, either. Lacking the vocabulary or a model of how to even start that conversation can make the thought of opening up not only intimidating but also impossible. How can you talk about something you are supposed to pretend doesn’t exist?
Mental health problems can present differently for men
Because society expects men to handle their mental health challenges alone, mental health symptoms that are primarily experienced in men aren’t always noticed right away. While some symptoms like suicidal thoughts or feelings of hopelessness or constant worry are obvious, the following are also often symptoms men experience:
- Avoidant, escapist behavior, like focusing solely on work, constantly scrolling on your phone, or spending too much time on interests like sports or video games.
- Impulsive, dangerous behavior like reckless driving, substance abuse, or risky sexual behavior.
- Anger or aggression, including physical or verbal violence.
- Controlling behavior.
- Distractibility, feeling constantly on edge.
- Physical aches and pains, especially headaches, joint pain, and digestive problems.
- Excessive exercise and focus on strength building and “clean” eating.
Finances and time factor into how accessible therapy is for men
With variable work schedules and tight budgets, getting help can feel out of reach. The costs of anxiety therapy for men can feel prohibitive, and the weekly time spent in therapy sessions can feel like too much, particularly when you have been conditioned to think that caring for yourself is a waste. Making the life changes that would allow you to focus on your mental health can feel foolish or overwhelming, even though caring for your mental wellbeing is not optional.
As a man, what can you do to prioritize your mental health?
Asking for help is a sign of strength and responsibility
Now that you better understand exactly what you’re up against when it comes to asking for help, you can see that you’re up against a lot of pressure. Asking for help when you’re facing all of that isn’t weak; it’s heroic. It’s a sign you’re responsible and strong, that you’re ready to protect the well-being of yourself and those around you.
Mental health support can focus on taking action and achieving life goals
Research shows that men are more likely to ask for help with their mental health if they see men they relate to or look up to talking about mental health. It also helps if they’re given more information about what mental health difficulties look like for men, and if they are offered help that includes goal-oriented problem solving and an emphasis on positive masculine traits.
Asking for help doesn’t have to feel emasculating. When you’re looking for mental health support, talk to the men in your life. See what the men you look up to have said about their mental health. Look for therapy for men that respects the point of view of a man, offers you education on what you’re going through, and takes a goal-oriented approach that embraces the positive aspects of being masculine.
Prioritize a schedule that includes taking care of yourself in body and mind
Instead of throwing yourself into work, household projects, or staring at screens as an attempt to ignore how you feel, build self-care into your schedule. While we are sold the idea that self-care is scented candles and bubble baths, it’s really just taking good care of yourself and living a life that feels good.
Try to incorporate some exercise into your life, and pay attention to what you’re eating and how it makes you feel. Skip the screen time at bed and try to get some decent sleep instead. Go to the doctor and dentist to get checkups. Set aside time to spend with family and friends. Make time for a hobby, or learn a new skill.
When you prove to yourself you’re worth taking care of, you also open up the possibility of recognizing your mental health is worth taking care of, too.
Speak up on behalf of men (including yourself)
You’ve taken the time today to learn more about men’s mental health, and you’ve likely come away with some ideas on how things can change. You can become one of those role model men who talks about mental health and inspires others. Share this new knowledge with those around you, and if you’re looking to feel like you have more of a purpose in life, consider joining one of the many initiatives that support men’s mental health.
Family and friend support can make a major difference in mental health care
Social support is an integral part of your mental well-being. Being heard, believed, and validated through hard times can go a long way toward improving your mental health. It’s a big part of why working with a therapist helps. That social connection alone can unlock a lot of positive change. But you don’t have to keep your mental health difficulties just between you and your therapist. You may be surprised at how willing the people around you are to hear you out about what you’re going through.
You know yourself best. You can choose who you talk to, when, and about what. The most important thing is that you start to talk, so you can see that you don’t have to handle this all on your own.
Stress Solutions offers San Diego therapy that makes it easier to ask for help
As a male therapist who understands that being a man comes with a lot of unique challenges due to social pressures, I can provide you with the space to speak with total honesty on what you’re going through, without judgment or criticism. From that honesty, I’ll be able to help you understand yourself and your emotions better so you can use that knowledge to make real, practical changes in your life.
You deserve to be recognized for the strength it takes to reach out and ask for help. When you’re ready to take that brave step, contact my office to set up a free consultation so you can learn more about how I can help..
